If you have beef with my diet, you’ve made a mis-steak.

Vegetarians are the worst.

They are picky, selfish, awkward human beings.

Inviting them for dinner poses a plethora of problems, and what to cook is only the beginning…..
You have to hide any leather item you own, run through all your anecdotes to ensure they do not mention anything which could be inferred as animal cruelty and drink enough wine that you don’t have to listen to the inevitable lecture on your terrible life decisions.

Why is it that they feel the need to make anyone who doesn’t share their diet or values want to shrivel up and have the earth swallow them due to their incredibly ‘immoral’ way of life? I wouldn’t dare tell them that I think they’re being cruel by encouraging others to cut a huge chunk of HAPPINESS (meat) out of their life, so what gives them the right to nag me about my own eating habits.

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I’d rather befriend a statue than a bloody vegetarian

Furthermore, I have witnessed them attack each other, because apparently there’s a right and a wrong way of being a vegetarian. Either you eat high carb, or high fat, or paleo, or clean, and I don’t understand it. I’d rather avoid the whole confusion and eat food I enjoy, all of it, just in moderation. Maybe I’m being simple but it seems to have worked for generations before us.

Even making every effort to avoid the topic, my vegetarian friends find a way to make it the main subject of every conversation, and remind all us mere peasants of our murderous actions. I do not want to hear about how a chicken had it’s throat slit as I sit and chow down my chicken nuggets. I would rather talk about anything else actually, hell I’d even rather chat with Donald Trump about Brexit. I’m BORED of constantly feeling like I have to justify each decision I make, I’m TIRED of having to listen to the same arguments every day, I’ve had ENOUGH of being judged.

Some of us just don’t want to do it. It’s not that we can’t, or that we don’t care, or that we’re ignorant of your opinions. The fact is, we enjoy meat. I KNOW that an animal had to die for that, I know that I can get enough protein from other sources, I know there are some studies that suggest it’s better for your long term health. However, if I went through life with the aim of immortality, I would have to cut out caffeine, alcohol, chocolate, sugar and a butt ton of other delightful treats according to current health trends.

I respect your decision, I choose not to comment on your diet, so please refrain from attacking mine. If anything, every time you take the ‘moral high ground’ and insult my choices, I feel less and less inclined to listen to your arguments and try out vegetarianism. So leave me to figure it out for myself while I eat a steak and talk about trash TV and the latest celebrity break up. Who’s with me?

 

*P.S I am actually a vegetarian so I’m aware this does not apply to all…. And that sandwich is just full of houmous and avocado (yes it was delicious).

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